In like...

So, there is this boy... and I hate to be too girly right now, but until I came back home I didn't realize how much I miss him. I didn't anticipate feeling this way. But here is the truth:

I have been fighting my feelings for him for the past year. For the situation I was in, I felt like it wasn't the right time. And throughout the past school year, we have been on and off with our timing.

Now that I haven't seen him for like three weeks, I realize that I really do care about him. A lot more than I thought I did. And there comes a time when I have to stop lying to myself and face the way I feel.

If I don't say anything to him and let him know how I feel, I will always wonder if he felt the same way. And I don't want to leave anything in my life to regret.

I need to finally take the plunge and tell him how I feel. Risk being shut down. Risk being hurt by someone else in my life. However, I don't know if I can handle being rejected by him. I care too much about him. He is one of my best friends.

The shit will hit the fan in about two weeks. I will see him again.

I imagine that when I see him in the Washington D.C. airport, my heart will tell me exactly how I feel. I will know, at that moment, if this is real. If it is, and the time is right, I am going to tell him. Because I can't keep making excuses for myself.

Eventually we have to grow up and own up to what we want. I just hope that I can do the same.